Internalised Homophobia, anger and alcohol
"As we grow up we are taught the values of our society. In our homophobic, heterosexist, discriminatory culture, we may learn negative ideas about homosexuality and same-sex attraction. Like everyone else, LGB people may be socialised into thinking that being non-heterosexual is somehow “mad”, “bad”, “wrong” or “immoral”. This can lead to feelings of self-disgust and self-hatred. These feelings can lead to “internalised homophobia” also known as “internalised oppression”." - Source The Rainbow Project.
This was definitely me in my childhood through to well into my fifties. So much so, I did not want to be gay in my teenage years, so I actually made a fateful decision around 1983 in Bundaberg to lead a straight life, naively thinking this could be achieved.
I believe because of the mental trauma this did to me, it was the core root of my depression, but then when I did come out in 2007, it still played a major role in how I went about life. Sure I was happy being my true self after coming out, but I was also very angry at the world in general because of how it had treated me and at times still was treating me. As a result, and due to its ease of access, and the fact I couldn't access appropriate mental healthcare because I couldn't afford it, I turned to alcohol as a form of self-medication, because it was a quick fix to numbing all the heartache I had at the time.
I often wonder if in the 1970's and 1980's had society been then what it is today, and I had a totally supportive family and come out as a teenager, then I would not of suffered all the mental anguish that I did, and would still have gone to college, got a career and continued on the corporate ladder like most people do. I also wonder that if in 2007, had my friends at the time, and my family, all been totally supportive of me and facilitated my transition to single dad like most people as well, then again, I also would not have suffered everything that I did, as detailed in the full version of My Story.
Certainly for me, there is a direct link between Internalised Homophobia, anger and alcohol, and given the number of stories I have been told from all sorts of people in their coming out journeys, there is a common thread. There is plenty of evidence that the LGBTIQAP+ community have substance abuse issues. Anecdotally from me, I totally understand the cause of this. The educator in me says instead of simply "pulling people out of the river", go upstream and find out why they are "falling in" and do something about that!
I don't drink alcohol anymore, haven't since 2019, and have also been on a journey of healing and self-growth for many years now. I recognised my anger at society a long time ago, and set myself on a path to overcome that. Today, I still see lots of people who haven't recognised they suffer from Internalised Homophobia, especially people in my age range and older, and are still angry at the world in general, still very unhappy and negative, and for some, still use alcohol as self-medication. I count myself as one of the lucky ones, but to be honest, luck plays no part. I recognised my problem, acknowledged it, and did something about it. That is still continuing to this day. This Blog is actually the latest part of my journey in that process to be the very best version of myself.
The buttons below will allow you to learn more about Internalised Homophobia, visit LGBTIQ+ Health Australia, as well as take you to the full version of My Story, if you haven't yet read that.
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