- Jul 24
- 6 min read

"If you don't have a history, you don't have a past..."

...And if you don't have a past to build on, it's very hard to see the future.

It took me to actually leave Queensland permanently to come to fully understand this quote from the ABC TV Docuseries Queerstralia.

When I watched this series on ABC TV iView early 2023 it struck a chord with me because I realised I grew up with no real authentic history about myself.

There is a history about me, but it is a false history, built on quicksand, as I have come to understand.

I needed to return to Bundaberg, Queensland in December 2023 in order to reclaim my past, and then visit Melbourne, Victoria in June 2024 to be capable of seeing the future I wanted for myself.

Now that I understand my past, own it, take accountability for it and celebrate it, I can honestly say now, I have a history based on bedrock, not quicksand, and as a result, I know exactly who I am these days.

There are however, various versions of my history, and depending on who is telling the story, that version of history will be very different.

One version is the absolute truth told by me these days.

My truth-telling about my history first commenced when I published "My Story" on 4 July 2023.

"My Story" is continuing to evolve as I continue to heal, grow and better understand my Identity.

This Blog is where I now build on that story and share this evolutionary journey of The Real Anthony.

However, all the other versions of my history are told by others and these other versions of my history come from individuals who never really knew me because I never let anyone know The Real Anthony Baildon.

Some members of my "Chosen Family" do know me quite well and have a pretty good grasp of my history and my Identity, although there are still some aspects they are still learning too, but they are the ones that encourage, support and love me for who I am.

Unfortunately, however, there are still some others that want to hang on to their version of my history, because they either still can't accept my authentic version, or they can't accept and take accountability for their part in my history.

A few people still prefer me to be the villain.

At times I was maybe a bit of a villain, but that was to protect myself, or it was a symptom of Internalised Homophobia. But that's more on society, than on me. I made my own choices, and wrong ones too, but I was in survival mode, and at the time, did the best I could with the tools I had at the time.

I have taken responsibility for my past actions, and I have even apologised to people for the dark side of me, and even the secretive side of me to my now ex-wife and two sons, over the years.

But I no longer have any shame associated with my past, despite how hard some people still try.

I am who I am today because of my past life experiences, and I no longer shy away from them.

I am actually PROUD of who I am today and have actually reclaimed all the "shameful" parts of me that I was led to believe by some members of my family and homophobic society as whole.

I now celebrate those parts of my uniqueness. They were actually always there right from the very beginning of me, I was just too ashamed of them, or wanted to hide them, rather than be PROUD of them, and ultimately PROUD of me.

My honesty, openness and transparency about my history though, is way too much for some people. There are still some people who don't want my history told, or actually still want it even erased.

It's either way too confronting to them, too triggering for them, or in some cases, untangles a web of lies told by others about me.

But I have come to understand though, that's about them, and not about me.

This journey is my journey, my truth, my story.

It's about me and my experiences as a man, born gay, but way too scared to accept that, and for all sorts of reasons told in "My Story" chose to lead a totally straight life from 1983 naively thinking you could actually do something like that, until it all came crashing down around me from 2003 onwards.

For a very long time, factual, reliable and safe information around sexuality was not available. Even today, it is still disjointed and not as accessible to everyone, especially in regional areas of Australia. Very little of that information actually targets the straight world too.

It is not until the majority of the straight world understand members of the queer community and see us all as humans, just like them, will all forms of phobia be eradicated, or at the very least, minimised to a very small extent, that it becomes almost insignificant.

For as long as I have been an educator (1989), I have been searching for my purpose, for what drives me as an inclusive educator. I have always helped people, always rooted for the underdog. I have also always been a compassionate and caring individual.

Those traits were instilled in me by my late Grandmother Marnie, the only person ever in my life to truly love me unconditionally.

I never understood why until 22 July 2024, whilst sitting on Williamstown Beach in Melbourne on a somewhat sunny Winter's Day, that the whole reason I have always been lost, always been searching for the "key to my life" was that my life had been built on quicksand, not bedrock.

The future I was striving for and wanted to be successful, happy and content was never attainable to me, because it was built on a facade of someone else, not a rock-solid foundation built on The Real Anthony.

I ultimately had to go back to Bundaberg, Queensland and BE The Real Anthony Baildon, for the very first time in history. I then, unbeknown to me, had to travel to Melbourne, Victoria in early June 2024 to experience an eclectic, vibrant, accepting and inclusive city to realise where I truly belonged.

After coming to this realisation on the beach at Williamstown, Melbourne on Monday, 22 July 2024 (I actually speak the date wrong in my video in the water, as I say 22 June in Williamstown, not 22 July), I then went in the water, and completed my rebirthing phase that began in Bargara, Queensland (the beach I lived at in the Bundaberg region), transitioned through Byron Bay and Manly in New South Wales, and concluded in Melbourne, Victoria.

I avoided the education industry for a very long time, or when in it, was never truly content.

But now I fully understand why.

With renewed confidence and a foundation of bedrock in my Identity as Anthony C Baildon for the absolute very first time in my career, I can finally move forward knowing my purpose in life.

My primary website AnthonyBaildon.com.au now also makes full sense to me too.

From the book by Edward Wilson "A Gay Man"

Queerstralia is available to view on ABC TV iView:

Anthony on Newcastle Beach, Melbourne on Monday, 22 July 2024.

Anthony on Manly Beach, Sydney, New South Wales on Saturday, 29 June 2024.

Anthony on Byron Bay Beach, New South Wales on Thursday, 27 June 2024.

Anthony on Bargara Beach, Queensland, Friday, 21 June 2024.

Anthony sharing his rebirthing beach journey from Bargara, Queensland to Melbourne, Victoria in 2024.

Anthony is no longer 'Searching for the Hero' Inside himself.

Anthony has adopted the song "Shape of My Heart" as his musical autobiography as virtually all the lyrics mirror my life story. The someone I was trying to become was The UnReal Anthony, but homophobia in society played that part, and then Internalised Homophobia became a massive challenge I needed to overcome.

But NOT ANYMORE!